It’s no secret among those that walk the same space as me that I am the most moody person that any of us know.

This is common knowledge in my offline world because I force this community to suffer through it.  My online friends are fortunately spared this greatest of my defining characteristics.

It is very common for me to just stop talking to someone for two weeks and never tell them why.  I am not a big fan of explaining to you why you pissed me off, but if you did, I will leave no doubt about it.  Whenever I hear the question, “are you mad at me?”  I always answer with, “is there some reason why I should be mad at you?”  If you’re not going to own up to it, then you can be sure I’m not going to free you from the field of silence.

The unfortunate part about being close to a person such as me is that the closer you are, the greater your chances are of getting on my nerves.

Of course, since there is an unwritten rule that you never have to say, “I’m sorry,” to family members, this article is the closest that friends and family will ever get; the acknowledgement that yes I know I am a pain in the ass to live with.  But these people already know that I am aware of my pain-in-the-ass-ness so it won’t give them any peace to see me write it – clearly why I allowed it to be written.

OscarBeing that I live with a bunch of creative types there is a group of us in love with the show, The Glee Project.  One friend recently told me she was imagining what we would all be like on that show.  I asked her what I would be like.  “Oscar the Grouch,” came her quick reply.  Thanks.  That’s two more weeks of silence against you!

Anyways…  getting to the point.

photo via somegif.com
photo via somegif.com

This week’s Dungeon Prompt is, “Secrets!”  I am not a big fan of secrets.  That’s why I am sharing this unknown fact about myself, my moodiness, with my online community.

I normally will tell all of my business quickly so that it never becomes a secret.  If someone feels that I wronged them, or if I feel that I was wronged, both things will be broadcast quickly before it ever becomes underground knowledge that could sneak up on me later.

Of course, other people’s secrets are another thing entirely. 

Because my mother, as many of you know, is a psychotherapist, confidentiality is something that was taken very seriously in my household and something that rubbed off on me.  That being the case, people know that their secrets are safe with me.

Safe that is, unless the secret has something to do with me.  Once I’m involved in the issue, once it becomes my problem, there are no more secrets.  Usually that only happens in cases where someone tells me that they’re in love with me, and not wanting to get in trouble for some illicit affair I completely broadcast this knowledge, which just affected my life, to everyone that I know.

Secrets… I’m really not a big fan, but I will keep yours, you just have to understand the ground rules first.

What kind of a secret keeper are you?  And, is there anything that you’re keeping from your online community?

 

featured image via cnn.com

34 Comments

  1. I love your candor with a touch of self aware humor! Who doesn’t feel like Oscar the Grouch sometimes? But then what? How do you get to the bottom of it so you can let it go? This is my secret from my online family: I am a psychotherapist (therefore, like your mom, an excellent secret keeper!), and too embarrassed to admit that with all the letting go tools I teach my clients, it had taken me two years to release a woman I fell in live with outside of my marriage. It’s been quite embarrassing to write about the mushy hold she has had on me. Better now, but what a ride! Ah, humanity! So cute when trying to heal and be conscious! Keep writing!

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  2. Thanks, for the great piece to me, it is an advice. I’ll take it like this to be friends sometimes require a lots, surely everyone want to be a member of community, specially the one like on the online to share affection, love, likeness and contents; aim to increase one aptitude. But take look at someone , like me a lazy writers, with poor expression and language, at time better to read online friends, than making horrible comment on rich piece like this.

    Thanks, and happy days for your love to share, understand a mystery like me. Nice piece. I like this..

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  3. I think I can tell well from what you write Sreejit that you are a complex, intelligent and very creative person, of course all these wonderful attributes will lead to grumpiness, sheesh! It doesn’t surprise me in the least in fact I think I would be rather worried if you weren’t grumpy it makes you more normal hehe, not entirely sure if that makes sense but it does to me. But what I find very interesting is your ability and wish to not want to have any secrets, now thats quite a gift to accomplish that, I take my hat off to you! 🙂 As always written though you are grumpy with a huge spoonful of humour!

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    1. I grew up with grumpy men, eccentric to boot as well so not a lot surprises me but your right I suppose friendships get tested and those that have and have come through unscathed the bond grows tighter. I have to admit people always used to unnerve me a little it takes me a lot to get that desire that I want to be around them but when I do I’m usually convicted in my decision. I often wonder why I feel that sense of general distrust on humanity as a whole. Gosh a bit deep lol!

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  4. I totally understand this and I have been called Grumpy Smurf. Lol!
    I am also what some call naturally aloof. I am not easily impressed, persuaded, interested, people-needy, etc., so I think because of that I draw more attention than I want or like. Thanks for the therapy session. 🙂

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  5. I keep lots of bad stuff a secret, because I do not want to be a burden for the online community,or any community for that matter. I want to be the one that inspires people to shine on like crazy diamonds.

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  6. This has been my year to release a lifetime of secrets. Secrets that have had a very unhealthy effect on me. It has meant I’ve had to share the secrets that others have told me to keep– but it was at a high cost only to me. I hate secrets. Whether they are mine or someone else’s, if they must be closed up inside, the are toxic. Thanks for the cause for reflection 🙂

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  7. Great post and I love the picture you chose!

    Many years ago a woman blasted me royally. .I simmered in my imploded fury. If it had been a client, I would have let go of it fairly quickly, but it was someone in another part of my life. My daughter told me the difference between the woman and me was that she wouldn’t even remember it in a few days and I would be stewing in it for years. I have to admit that there is some truth to that. I know at least part of the reason is because I am a big time introvert, but that isn’t a good excuse. It is still something I need to work on.

    Interesting you wrote this the night after I posted the “Affirmations for Letting Go” that I wrote in the 90s. Looks like I need to examine them again… for ME!

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    1. I don’t know if it ever gets easy but I do believe it gets easier. I think there will always be certain triggers that are harder to let go of than others. If we know that about ourselves and stay in awareness, we are at least a little less likely to be hurt by them. (Awareness not hyper-vigilance.)

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  8. I’m so glad I am not the only one that has a moody side. It can be horribly annoying at times, and in many ways it’s become a tool that I’ve used as a way to push people out of my life when they’ve gotten to the best of my emotions “for the last time.” Is it healthy, sometimes, because for me it’s the only way to create boundaries, and an end to toxic relationships, but at other times it gets me in trouble too because I have this pesky little need to be the better person thanks to an unnecessary guilty conscience, that notice I said is unnecessary, because that has been instilled in me from a very young age where I was told that no isn’t an option, and I needed to appease every one around me, which isn’t the truth.

    What I’ve learned is that our moodiness is a part of us for a reason, and it’s because it literally is a part of us, it’s a defense mechanism, it’s something for us to use in a healthy way that will tell others that we do have boundaries, and they are overstepping them in an unhealthy way…but again, it all goes back to how we use the moodiness. Blow ups, raging, shouting, those things are unhealthy, but staying calm, while being honest can bring change, and understanding to the person that has overstepped boundaries, so negatives can turn into positives with a little bit of work, and empathy.

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  9. Yes it is a question we must ask ourselves in our relationships. Do we need to be wholly transparent, or do we keep difficult incidents hidden and emotions unexpressed.

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  10. Nicely written as usual! Sreejit, do you give lessons “how to stay mad and not talk to someone for two weeks”? I would enroll straight away. Even if seriously mad I can hardly stay an entire day mad and not talk to the person who got me mad. I actually find it tiring to stick to the “being mad”, because it means I have to keep in mind of what got me mad instead of passing on to something else. So if you tell me your secret…it would be safe with me 😉

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    1. Probably both our ways got advantages just like everything else too. Anyone who knows how you are if you are mad with them, they think twice before making you mad again 😉
      And the fact that it did not translate to academic pursuits did apparently not do any damage if you are still able to write the way you do!

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  11. Oh, no, you are my worst enemy! I could definitely not handle the silent treatment for even a day. My husband is kinda Oscar the Grouch, but thankfully it usually doesn’t last too long. We joke that while everyone else has “feelings,” he only has “a feeling.” How many feelings do you have? Haha

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  12. I am also grumpy which I have told my online community before.. In real life people who don’t know me that well are misled by my innocent face. Like you I can disappear for weeks, months and yes even years but not generally because of anger. I can’t really explain the precise reason I can only say I haven’t figured out how to have friends and have things as I want them.. I am naturally very obsessive I just get absorbed in whatever project I happen to be working on and then because I am so painfully shy I have trouble reestablishing a connection when I have resurfaced. So I just miss them quietly but avoid them because of being so horrifically shy. Terrible I know but true. I never fully get used to people. While people get more comfortable with me I can become less and less so with them. I generally can only get comfortable with one person at a time and since I am married that person is of course my husband.

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    1. Well writing for one but research I can be very obsessive in trying to find cures I know crazy but my degree is in Nutrition so I spend a lot of time investigating how diet impacts health and which diet is good for which ailment. My husband has chronic pain so I have studied that and a number of things like Shiatsu, Reflexology, massage to try and help him with pain management. I can get obsessed in my own fitness goals and just my own self-improvement goals really. I am just so used to keeping myself occupied I just don’t make time I guess for a social life. Plus having a dissociative disorder I just flat out lose huge chunks of time. I don’t really get mad easily takes a lot but I am just kind of “Get off my lawn” eat my dinner at 5 o’clock I am an old man at heart I think lol

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  13. Hmmm Oscar are you a Taurus? No perhaps a Scorpio. 😉

    Do you also enact silence in the cyber world? As a new online acquaintance I need to be vigilant of crossing the mood veil. For I fear you and I could circle one another in silence for some time. I’m not apt to ask if you’re mad at me. I expect my friends to say “Hey, this bothered me”. And I would more than likely answer “is there some reason why I should be mad at you?” with “That’s what I want to know.” (Unless I have really screwed up, in which case you’ll get a swift apology.)

    I believe all true relationships inevitably involve anger at least if we are being honest. I can’t know someone until I’ve met there Oscar and they mine. The key is how it’s expressed. Oh and I’m a fish so I TRULY understand living, breathing emotions.

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  14. Secrets can weigh very heavy on one’s heart and mind. I think your way is better – to keep no personal secrets. I can’t say I have truly opened up online or in real life.

    I think your rule about other’s secrets is a fair one. My family has a lot of secrets (and since it is my family, it involves me). But, if I were to tell them, it would probably hurt or humiliate them. Today, I shared a secret of mine.

    I always enjoy your writing when I stop by to read. Thanks for sharing your secret with us. This was a very good prompt.

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  15. Everyone has their quirks. I hold medals for being a pain in the ass (ask my husband); so you are a kindred spirit to me. It is a brave human who embraces their flaws and shows them to the world, unapologetically. Kudos on that score.

    I have revealed a lot of secrets about myself in my blog. I was silent for so long, it was a relief to let go of them. It’s been a large, positive part of my growth and rebirth. Shame and grief and sadness and fear (amongst others…)-that its okay to feel and embrace all of these things, and our flaws. The good and the bad, it makes us who we are-and better for knowing it. Loving it.

    I highly recommend putting all of our masks down and let it all fly. We’re all more alike under those protective shields than we think. That is one very important thing I have learned here. Thanks for the laughs and for a heartfelt piece, such as you have written here.

    Blessings to you Sreejit.

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  16. Yes, there are certain things I keep secret, because to betray them would cause hurt to people close to me, and I would not want that, even if they are sometimes truths needing to be said. I think we live with some unspoken burdens in the acknowledgement that to keep them that way is for the greater good.
    Am I moody? Sometimes the black dog visits, but generally no. I would describe myself as quixotic, even a little wild. But it would be useful to discover how others see me. That is, unless they would rather keep that secret?

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  17. You are so funny. Moods. We are all moody in our own way. 😀 Secrets–I can’t keep a secret. I used to. I want to. But I can’t. Don’t tell me anything. I don’t mean to open my mouth but once it opens, I can’t control the tongue.

    As far as my secrets…ooohh…I have quite a few that can’t or shouldn’t be told. That’s not good. One or two..no one knows really. Others–very few. Hmmm. Hmmmm. 😀

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  18. Now where the heck was I when this went up? I realize there were many offerings for this one and I never got around to catch up. I so admire your honesty here, Sreejit.. It is great that you do not keep secrets that are toxic especially…yes, vomit seems a good analogy. Last year my clinical director marked on my annual performance evaluation to work on speaking out when something bugs me. Apparently I was quiet (like you) for several weeks and then BAM it came out. Ooops, So all last year, I learned to speak up sooner. I can teach it but forgot to apply it to myself. Great post, Sreejit.

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  19. excellent post, pal. No secret is forever! My second son is called Oscar, something my wife and I agreed on very early on in her pregnancy – I never told her it was because one of my heroes was Oscar the Grouch! Scram!

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