1. The, “where have you been,” question.
I’m a private person by nature – aside from a neurotic obsession with sharing my own short comings with a worldwide audience – so, if you don’t know where I was, then I am most likely not interested in sharing that information with you. Don’t worry, I will make up the most outrageous story possible to entertain you while letting you down to the fact that I will not be filling you in.
2. The Amount of time wasted watching movies or serial television.
You don’t expect me to radiate “serious seeker” while being honest with you about my wasted hours, do you? I don’t lie to myself, and to me that is the most important part. I am very clear about how many of my hours were a total waste. Of course my idea of total waste might be different from yours, so I spare myself any potential negativity by keeping my sharing habits to a need-to-know maximum.
3. The, “are you mad at me,” question.
If I’m mad at you, then I fully expect you to know the reason why. If you don’t know the reason, then I don’t want to waste my time, and if you do know the reason and are just asking me the question because you’re too scared to own up to the fact that you are ashamed of what you did, then you are just going to make me more angry. Whoa – that was a mouth full. I know this is a completely neurotic quirk of my personality, but what are we without our neurotic quirks? Healthy functioning individuals maybe? But, what fun is that.
4. Any question about your weight, your outfit or your hair (this applies to both men and women).
Come on, now. Do you really think that I’m going to tell you that you are too fat? Ok, there are a select few people of whom we are just tight like that and this is one of the accepted subjects of conversation. But, if we haven’t talked about it before, please don’t ask me to weigh in. I have enough problems of my own without being pulled down by possibly answering this in a truthfully negative way that would just spin us into a destructive cycle of self-reflection. And really, I am totally mean enough on accident. Don’t ask me to be mean on purpose, because I’m not proud of going down that route.
5. The, “did you straighten your hair,” question.
No! Ok, it’s natural now, but if it were fully unleashed then I would have an afro. To get it to the point of tying it back I had to straighten it, and then pull it back. From that point I could just keep it pulled back every day and let it grow into its current “naturally wavy” condition. But, you can’t roll up on a brother right after he conked his hair and be like, “what? Did you straighten your hair?” If you have to ask then the answer is, “hell no!” (15 years since the act and still a sensitive subject)
6. The, “did you know such and such a secret,” question.
Look, if I knew the secret I’m going to keep it to myself. And if you know the secret and are telling me, do you think that I want to let you in on the fact that I didn’t choose to tell you? Are we relating on different levels? If I share the fact that I knew the secret, then I am either trying to show you up by demonstrating that I was indeed not out of the loop on this one, or sharing with you the fact that I don’t share things with you unless you already know them. Safe bet with me, keep your secrets to yourself.
7. The, “what time did you get up today,” question.
Unfortunately, I live in the only place in the world where if you get up at 6am then everyone will think you slept in, as morning prayers are at 5. So, what’s a guy to do? I’ll say I woke up at 4:30 if my alarm rang at that time and I had to get up to shut it off. Ah, the tricks of the trade. I know I’m only hurting myself.
8. The, “did you eat,” question.
Amma often tells us that if we’re a renunciate, eating once a day is enough. But, if we are working (not just meditating all day) then it’s ok to eat two times. If we’re sick then it’s ok to eat three times, but if we eat four times we’re just taking somebody else’s food. This being the case, when someone asks us if we ate (which is like saying hello in India) then we have to reflect on where we want to place ourselves on that line. Hey, I work in the kitchen so I have easy access to whatever I want. This means it is up to my own sense of integrity to control the situation. I’m mostly… pretty good. What does pretty good mean? (Sigh) Don’t ask such things please.
9. The, “what kind of music do you listen to,” question.
Everybody likes a good beat. Everybody likes to bob their head. Everybody likes to be wowed by the prowess of a creative lyricist. So what do you do when the best beats and rhymes fall under misogynistic, homophobic, sexist and foul language? Like I said, I listen to spiritual music.
10. The, “why do you blog,” question.
It’s a well-known fact that 78% of all bloggers have a not so hidden desire to conquer the world with their words; to have the masses screaming their name in unison. But, you just can’t go around saying things like that out loud, so we have to come up with more dignified stories such as spreading light and love to the world… I said what’s my name? Roar!!!
So, that’s what I lie about. What are the things you are willing to lie for?
Written for Dungeon Prompts: For what would you lie?
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