That Little Light of Mine

A few years ago I was talking with my sister and I asked her if she could be like anybody who would it be?  My answer was that I wished I could speak like Martin Luther King Jr, sing like Swami Amritaswarupananda, and be loved like Amma.  Her answer was Dumbledore, because he always does the right thing.  That says a lot about the two of us.  My answers were totally outward and all about perception and my world intermingled with the world of those around me whereas hers were all about being the best person that she could be, inwardly knowing what is the right thing to do and say in all situations.  Yes her character was fictional, but the ideal is very real.

When I imagine myself, I think of a mature dude that’s got his shit together, when in reality, I am overly moved by the words of others.  It doesn’t change my right from wrong, or the actions that I take in the world, but it does severely change my mood from moment to moment.  I am the kind of person that when I am in a good mood I have to desperately hold on to it knowing that when it turns south it is going to be there for a while.  I’m constantly coaching myself up.  “Come on, you’re over 40 now, don’t be so sensitive,” but 40 hasn’t seemed to change anything for me, except that I’m going, “to do it anyways, because I just don’t give a damn.”  But I do.

I give too many damns, man.

I was born with a king’s mentality, knowing that the world should move for me.  But I am not a king, and there is no one out there even interested in moving the dirty dishes out of my way so that I can sit down to eat.

I am an arrogant son of a bitch trying to walk the path of humility.  Do you not see my freakin’ humility already?  That is why I am in the dungeon – The Seeker’s Dungeon – where the last vestiges of ego go to play and pretend that they really are somebody more than a brother or sister of the world.

As we let our lights shine let us not forget that we are all reflecting the same sun.

Peace.

 

A bit of a ramble written for both the Weekly Writing Challenge: Ice, Water, Steam and Dungeon Prompts:  Inner Voice

Featured photo via Indianapublicmedia.org

12 Comments

  1. We are all subject to the brainwashing that teaches us to put our best face forward, always. To share honestly in the way that you do is inspiring and a real service to others because it is healthy. The truth is that God loves us as we are and it is only the very petty human ego that inserts the frantic drive to compete with others and hide whatever might be considered less than perfect. The ego thinks we have to succeed due to our own talents and efforts and totally discounts God’s all encompassing love and acceptance. The challenge is to be honest because honesty forces us to accept ourselves as we are, warts and all. Self-acceptance frees us to turn our attention to the Divine which is the only thing of any importance anyway. Thanks again for the ruthless poetry that shreds the ego.

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  2. inspiring and powerful quote ” As we let our lights shine let us not forget that we are all reflecting the same sun”….such beautiful truth! Thank you !

    -Apryl Ashleigh

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  3. I love this post. I didn’t answer right away because I wanted to think about how to answer. Yes, your words were different than Chaitanya’s but I don’t think yours were all outwardly motivated. I think you connect with the essence of each of those people. They are your role models and you want to be like them. That isn’t bad.

    You are your own person but you have talents in those areas and are highly respected and loved by those around you.

    So, continue with the self examination and learn and grow from it, but see the positive aspects and the progress you’ve made as well as the areas you still need to work on during this journey of life.

    BTW…. I also am overly influenced by the words of others!

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  4. Inspiring, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Self-examination, seeking, second-guessing my ego- I’m right with you there. Pre-30 I thought was the time for all of this, it surprises me how much I have to learn post-50. Rock on.

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