A few years ago I was talking with my sister and I asked her if she could be like anybody who would it be? My answer was that I wished I could speak like Martin Luther King Jr, sing like Swami Amritaswarupananda, and be loved like Amma. Her answer was Dumbledore, because he always does the right thing. That says a lot about the two of us. My answers were totally outward and all about perception and my world intermingled with the world of those around me whereas hers were all about being the best person that she could be, inwardly knowing what is the right thing to do and say in all situations. Yes her character was fictional, but the ideal is very real.
When I imagine myself, I think of a mature dude that’s got his shit together, when in reality, I am overly moved by the words of others. It doesn’t change my right from wrong, or the actions that I take in the world, but it does severely change my mood from moment to moment. I am the kind of person that when I am in a good mood I have to desperately hold on to it knowing that when it turns south it is going to be there for a while. I’m constantly coaching myself up. “Come on, you’re over 40 now, don’t be so sensitive,” but 40 hasn’t seemed to change anything for me, except that I’m going, “to do it anyways, because I just don’t give a damn.” But I do.
I give too many damns, man.
I was born with a king’s mentality, knowing that the world should move for me. But I am not a king, and there is no one out there even interested in moving the dirty dishes out of my way so that I can sit down to eat.
I am an arrogant son of a bitch trying to walk the path of humility. Do you not see my freakin’ humility already? That is why I am in the dungeon – The Seeker’s Dungeon – where the last vestiges of ego go to play and pretend that they really are somebody more than a brother or sister of the world.
As we let our lights shine let us not forget that we are all reflecting the same sun.
Featured photo via Indianapublicmedia.org