Do you have that friend that only loves you when there is nobody else around more interesting than you? I have a friend like that. I have too much love for them but, I’m just not cool enough. But while I have someone who is like that to me, I also must be like that to so many others. We all have a certain amount of love that we are willing to give and when those that we want to give it to aren’t around, we have a little bit extra for the peons of whom we are willing to throw a few scraps.
As one of my oldest friends, Kannan, used to say, “We are all the Gods and Goddesses of our own lives.” We all decide what kind of world we are going to create around us by what we are willing to give to our surroundings. In most part, we are pretty stingy with our love. Not all of us. We all know who the truly selfless people are, but most of us are tight fisted. I myself am downright miserly.
My sister was just yesterday telling that I am just an all or nothing kind of guy. She was not referring to the love that I am willing or not to give, but I will apply it. I’m not mean to anyone (that doesn’t deserve it), but open hearted love… that is something else.
I don’t know how it is for you, but I make rules in my mind that I don’t share with anyone else and if you don’t follow those rules then I have very little time for you. The world that I’ve made up is a world where everyone doesn’t have to be friends. All personalities just don’t match, and some are just not meant to be together. Is that cold blooded, or snobbish? Maybe.
I have all kinds of rules. Because I am a man, I have strict standards of what it means to be a man. If you don’t meet those standards then it is very hard for me to get past it. With friends, it doesn’t come up that much, but with work I am very serious, and it is near impossible for me to work with people that don’t meet my standards. Of course, I work every day with people that don’t measure up to my strict calculations, but they are brutalized mercilessly in my mind.
I also have rules on sharing, and cleaning up after yourself, and not needing to be asked to help out, and not yelling my name randomly just to see if I’m around, and wow, how did I become like this?
No matter what religion or atheist or agnostic philosophy we abide in, we are all pretty much down with the idea of needing more love in the world. So why do we keep it locked up safely inside?
I told you all of my neurotic tendencies for not sharing the love, what are yours?
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