Creating Our Reality

by Sarah Myers aka Sahara of Creo Somnium

“Our intention creates our reality.”

– Wayne Dyer

The concept of “intention” has never held very much meaning for me beyond a few experiences with Catholic volunteers. It was a nice, though abstract, concept. Living intentionally never became so important to me until I had a baby.

In my mind, walking with intention means a few different things. On one hand, it means being present to the current moment. On the other hand, it means being conscientious and deliberate about my attitude, my actions and my words, because those three things influence my reality and my future.

Being Present

This is my first child and I’m daily fumbling with getting it right. Since her birth, it has been very important to me to be present in a way I never was before, when I would daydream my way through a never-ending afternoon and seek to rush an uncomfortable moment.

Now, I’m trying to be catalogue every precious little moment, like her determined face and middle-of-the-night sighs or the small moments in a quiet house that she’s playing independently. I’m (trying to!) not wishing away the long nights of overtired screaming because I know the day will come that I will wish problems could be solved with mere rocking, kisses, and a round of “Baby Mine.” I’m trying to make note of every time we nurse or she presses her cheek to mine, because one of those times will be the last time, and I love them. I love every day with her, even the minutes that suck. I am crazy in love with her right now, and she adores me. I am the best thing ever. I make her laugh and I calm her, and I know I won’t always.

Being Conscious and Deliberate

I didn’t grow up around children, and before I had her, I honestly just thought they were little jerks. I couldn’t imagine how parents could put up with their attitude. (At the time, I also couldn’t imagine loving something the way I love her, but now I get it.)  During my pregnancy and ever since she was born, I have been anxious about the “terrible twos,” having a “threenager,” and every day she grows, I hate that she’s getting closer to that time. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it and I’m afraid I’m going to hate her, the being with half my heart.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to think of her as a “terror,” and I don’t want to be her adversary. I know that, as her mother, it is going to be my job to set boundaries she won’t like and she will see me as her enemy sometimes, but I don’t want to see her as the enemy.

She is not the enemy.

My anxiety of that time is lessened and I think (hope) my ability to respond from a place of love will increase when I am intentional in my thoughts about her. I believe the way I think and talk about her will make a big difference in how I perceive her.  Even when my Wee One is acting stubborn, disobedient, or rude, if I say those things are who she is, I will believe them. If i can be intentional in my thoughts about her and consider her as a whole person, I will see things differently and be able to respond to her differently. When she pushes against me, or when she’s rude or disrespectful, it is because she is learning the rules of social interaction and experimenting with different behaviors. Or it is because I am expecting something of her that she is not developmentally able to do. Moreover, she’s acting out with me because she knows she’s safe with me.

In my practice as a drug and alcohol counselor, I read and found to be true that the strongest tool I had when working with a client was my relationship with them. I also noticed that the clients who did best were those who had a strong relationship with me.  (In this context, by “best,” I do not mean the ones who stayed sober and got housed. I mean the ones who stayed connected with our program and kept trying.) They knew they could come to me drunk, or call me from prison, or send me to talk to their P.O. and lawyers, and I still respected and believed in their ability to change.

I remember this and also think about my relationship with my own mother, with whom I have always been safe. I think the quality of relationship with my daughter is going to be the most important thing I have in my ability to help her grow. To do this, I need to stay aware of the bigger picture and act with intention to keep our relationship sacred.

IMG_2726Sarah Myers

I am a St. Louis native and social worker who spent 10 years working with homeless addicts in North city. In about the course of a year I got married, had a child, left my job and moved to the Seattle area – made about every big change one can make.  Now I’m a stay at home mom and loving every day of it, but I’m also trying to rebuild my life around these big changes.

 

 

 

Written for Walking With Intention.  If you’d like to be a part of the challenge, find more info here: Walking With Intention.  But first, leave a comment and let Sarah know how you feel about what she said, and then head over to Creo Somnium and find out what she’s got going on over there.

 

Featured image via Sarah Myers

 

29 Comments

  1. It is a very noble intention, keeping the relationship sacred between you and your daughter. I know that you will find your way together. Thank you for bearing your heart for this Walking with Intention series. We can really feel your love and longing in your words.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you could feel the love – it’s not something easily put into words. And thank you again for the chance to write for your blog this month! These thoughts have been rumbling around for awhile and this was the perfect opportunity to put them down.

      Like

  2. This is one of the greatest definitions of intention I’ve read on this series.
    It’s amazing that you consider the part where you take a persons entire personality into account instead of just the few bad actions. That definitely does help in building a healthy and sacred relationship.
    I hope you succeed in building that amazing bond between yourself and your daughter.
    Best of luck 🙂
    x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The fact that you are aware of your intentions and possible effects sets the stage for a wonderful relationship already. I wish I had been that aware when my children were just babies. Good luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My children are now 20 and 17 and I soooo wish I could go back and do it all over again based on what I now know. Your piece really speaks to some of the things I wish I had done differently. It was so difficult for me to live in and enjoy the moment. I was always looking forward to the next. They can walk, I can’t wait until they can talk. They can talk, I can’t wait until … well, fill in the blank. There are so many ways in which I prevented myself from just enjoying the moment. I was almost always the one behind the camera or the video camera recording the moments of their lives … while not getting the opportunity to be in those moments.

    I wish you luck … I think you have hit on a perfect example of the importance of intention.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! the “looking forward to the next” thing is what I’m trying so hard to avoid. She’s not crawling yet, and I’m a little anxious about it because she’s almost 9 months, but I’m daily reminding myself to be happy she stays where I put her when I set her down! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

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          1. Just so you know … my older son was walking at nine months, but didn’t really start talking until he was more than 2 1/2. My younger son didn’t start walking until shortly after his 1st birthday, but was talking a lot by 1 1/2. You’re right to be aware of where you’re little one is at, but they all develop these skills at different times.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. You and your daughter will be fine.

    So much of it is about attitude. I’ve also heard terrible twos described as terrific twos. Try that one on! I don’t think her saying lots of no’s and asserting herself is about being rude, it is doing what two year old’s are supposed to be doing. Those behaviors will serve her in setting boundaries when she gets older. I remember thinking my daughter was so strong willed that when she got older no one was going to ever be able to make her do something she didn’t want to do. And that turned out to be very true!

    That’s not to say raising kids is easy. It isn’t. But as you have already discovered, it is well worth the effort!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I learned the terrific twos from Jean I. Clarke who I consider one of my mentors. I looked online to see if I could find anything. I found this: http://www.montessoritrainingusa.com/sites/montessoritrainingusa.com/files/The%20Terrific%20Twos.pdf

        Jean isn’t part of montessori but they must use her teachings. She has written several books that you might find helpful. I just found out she also has a blog, along with her colleagues.
        http://www.overindulgence.info/blog/did-you-have-fun-today-by.html

        Liked by 1 person

  6. How lovely to read the love you carry for your daughter. Each age comes with so many joys…the challenges are theirs too. Two’s are when they are trying to talk more and how they learn so quickly. I treasure the memories and love to tell even my grandson some stories about his mom and uncle. I discovered Positive Discipline when I worked on a Parent Help Line and wish I had known about Jane Nelsen when I raised my children. A therapist, mother of 6 or 7 I think, and grandmother…so she writes not only from a place of knowledge but love, respect and experience for parents as well as teachers. http://www.positivediscipline.com/ You must be an amazing therapist as well accepting your clients surely gave them the courage and strength to change.

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