All Is Not What It Seems

by litebeing of litebeing chronicles

Death is not my thing. I clearly remember being about 7 years old lying in bed instead of sleeping. I decided that we shall live to be 100 years old. I subtracted 7 from 100 to conclude I only had 93 years to live. Some would say I was precocious or an old soul, but c’mon! Why was I lamenting on my remaining 93 years at such a tender age? I had not experienced any major losses yet. I was not surrounded by serious illness or injury. Why was I so morose? All is not what it seems.

When my sister’s friend’s father was terminal, I was in my teens. I took this incredibly hard. My mother sensed that I don’t handle death well. I just could not fathom life without this kind man who was needed as a father and husband. I gathered that I was supposed to be less involved, but that’s nothing new. My family always complained that I was “too sensitive.”

But this is the thing ~ the trauma of sudden tragic death was coded within my DNA. I was carrying my father’s unfinished pain and anguish over the loss of his father so many decades ago. It took me a very long time to discover that this psychic overlay was infecting my ability to integrate death into life.

My dad adored his father, who I never met. He died as a result of a car accident when my dad was about 10 years old. This event shaped his life in ways I doubt he understood. It fed his ambition, bitterness, and ability to trust in life. Being raised by someone locked in trauma inhibited my ability to process loss in a healthy way. I did not know there was any other way.

My father lived a long life and survived most of the male relatives of his generation. He seemed quite resilient, especially during the last ten to fifteen years of his life that were plagued with a variety of serious illnesses. My mother has said his love of life kept him here. Perhaps he realized that life is a gift and longevity is precious. He was quite optimistic about his life, despite his bitterness around grief. There lies the paradox.

So how did I address my generational trauma? I studied psychology and became a therapist. I learned more about the human condition and found refuge in helping others heal. You can also heal yourself this way. I created a Grief and Loss group at one of the programs where I worked as a therapist/supervisor. Facing up to the topic of death and loss can be very cathartic.

Another strategy I use is to live my life to the fullest, moment by moment. I recognize my time here is short and I want to live as the Tim McGraw song says, “Like I was Dying.” Blogging has brought me back to life and extended my reach all over the planet. Realizing my dream of being a writer has really allowed me to live more fully and authentically. Dreams and goals can change, but bringing your desires into being with intention can be a constant throughout one’s journey here.

My spiritual path has also made a huge impact on my ability to be present in the face of eventual loss of my physical body. The book Dying to Be Me by Anita Moorjani really struck a chord for me. She espouses living in the face of fear as a result of a remarkable near death experience. A recent session with a medium took my understanding of eternity to a new level. Being a witness to several deceased relatives sharing specific details of their lives was amazing beyond description. This session shifted philosophy and theory into a bold new realization. There really is a continuation of consciousness.

On the heels of this session, grace stepped in to reframe an old secret into a new way of being. One of my dad’s superstitions was that the month of May was cursed. He referred to it as “Marvelous May.” All I knew was that my grandfather was killed in May. I wondered what else happened then, but was afraid to ask. Well this past May 19th I had two medical tests performed. After the tests were completed, my mom told me she was very worried about the date. She revealed that she miscarried before I was born and it was on May 19th. I never knew it was in May. I responded by asking if any happy events happened in May. When she failed to think of something, I thought about graduations and glanced at my MSW diploma. The date read May 19th, 1996. I told her about it and shared how that was such a great day. I do not think it was a coincidence that the dates correlate. It was time for Spirit to intervene, finally excavating the destructive family legacy that was interfering with living in alignment with Source.

All is not what it seems.

 

 

bestblogimagelitebeing

litebeing delights in assisting others in self-discovery as a blogger, astrologer, teacher, artist, mentor, writer, therapist, dreamer, intuitive guide, light worker and mystic. She has been blogging at litebeing chronicles for three years.

The theme of litebeing chronicles is a glimpse into my everyday life, showing how the light shines through on a moment- to- moment basis. The light may vary from a tiny flicker to a strong ray to a magnificent rainbow to a blinding shaft of white light.

 

Written for the On Living and Dying series.  If you’d like to be a part of the challenge, find more info here: 365 Days On Living and Dying.  But first, leave a comment and let litebeing know how you feel about what she said, and be sure to visit her over at litebeing chronicles when you’re done.

 

Featured image via public domain

14 Comments

    1. Thank you for your support of my contribution to this series. This was a challenging piece to write, but I am satisfied with the end result. Thanks also for the opportunity that allowed me to explore this topic in more detail.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. A very nice piece and I think this is what several of the contributors said “it’s time to let Spirit intervene, that humankind accepts that death is part of our life and that we have to live life to the fullest with an open mind as if we were children again”.

    Namaste

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for sharing your story, Linda.
    That is interesting that the bitterness and inability to cope with grief of your father has influenced you so strongly that you studied psychology and became a grief counselor. I imagine that it must have been quite a process to arrive at seeing this connection between your father’s loss and you being drawn to psychology. When did you find out about this and how did you arrive at seeing this connection so clearly?
    Consciousness is eternal, yes. That is one of the major insights on this path. It is a major world view shattering insight, comparable in magnitude to the Copernican shift in world view.
    Hugs,
    Karin

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Karin,

      I think that my decision to become a therapist was only partially attributed to my father’s arrested development, The insight that my difficulties with death was tied to my father’s trauma came much much later. The eventual interest in doing grief work with others also slowly came into view. The series of devastating losses at my agency on the heels of losing my father and first cat fueled the fire to make lemons out of lemonade. It never occurred to me that I would enjoy doing this work or that others would respond so positively.

      Many are drawn to become healers to heal themselves, I also possess an insatiable curiosity so I was eager to learn more about human nature. Thanks for offering these questions!

      hugs,
      Linda

      Liked by 2 people

  3. A lovely piece, Linda. I think my favorite moment was your lifting of the curse of the month of May, and how your healing brought the month full circle… Life is like this and healing in particular I think. It is a web of truth that is spun from the fibers of what once was. We take what has been and we retell the story as something new. Maybe we can do the same with our illusions of death and the way a supposed ending confines us and ensnares us…

    Peace
    Michael

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Michael,

      Thank you for highlighting the reworking of May, 1/12 of an entire year,lol! It was a sheer miracle that an age old question in my family was quickly addressed an reworked in about an hour. Retelling our stories is one way to speed up a return to love, our birthright. I could christen the month Miraculous May 🙂 Also hard to believe it has been 20 years since I graduated. Where does the “time ” go?

      peace, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Ka for your appreciation of my process. If only we would be educated about the business of living and dying while children? Whatever is hidden well eventually come into view, as you are well aware.

      love, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

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