Personal?
It all is – from the fake
smile to the suddenly
busy – the journey
of my maturity is
the understanding that
everyone doesn’t need to love me –
passionately.

Personal?
It all is – from the jealous
God to the needy seeker – the
crossroads of my life
came when I understood
that I wasn’t in a competition
between the weak and the
weaker – sin being not
an arbitrary moral code,
but what stands in the way
of our individual growth.

Personal?
It all is – so don’t mind me
when I’m infected by petty
words taken out of context,
and use them as the
subtext for my own reflection.
I’ve got my own context,
my own worldview, as I turn
dust into warriors beating out the
imperfections of a pool of water
reflecting the sun –
passionately.

17 Comments

  1. … turn dust into warriors beating out the imperfections of a pool of water reflecting the sun – passionately.
    Love these words, how you caught them as they flew by, creating magical and poetic imagery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🙂 thanks, I appreciate the comment. Still people are pushing the like button in the reader or somewhere, meaning they never actually come and visit the site, so I like to see how many people are interested enough to comment. The like button didn’t look great with this theme so I initially removed it for that reason. But, I like comments better anyways. 1 comment gives as much satisfaction as 50 likes so… I guess I’ll keep it like this.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so in line with you on this one! I am seriously in the midst of self-realization with that first section. I’m so completely done with making everyone else’s lives, circumstances and feelings better… at my own expense, at the price of my own peace and happiness. It is a deeper awakening when one who truly cares greatly for others becomes numb to all the button-pushing. The fake smiles, inattentive nods, and quick exits have emerged as staples in my once fully-engaged demeanor. I was feeling extremely conflicted by this growing “hardening” of my heart. Fortunately, your mom shared some professional and spiritual insights which helped me to understand that wanting to take care of myself and focus on my own future is not selfish. Spiritual growth isn’t always about taking on everything that the universe throws your way. Sometimes, it’s about side-stepping the arrows… saying “nope”… and distancing oneself from the negativity of those who do not respect your path. I haven’t completely jumped on the “tough love” bandwagon, as I’m still very empathetic by nature, but I’ve been grabbing hold of the tailpipe for little rides here and there and I am digging the resulting freedom… the lightening of the heavy load.

    I’ve never considered myself in “competition” per se, but I do love your interpretation of sin. It’s SO hard to explain myself and why I do and don’t do certain things. I just know what isn’t right for me, but other people look at me like I’m cheating myself by living with certain standards. It’s hard to defend my “morality” because so much in this world is subjective and every point has a counter-point… so, instead of just respecting my position, others will see me as someone to conquer or get over on.

    I will say, I’m not exactly sure how to interpret your last point… about the dust into warriors and the imperfections of the water reflecting the sun. Several different concepts run through my mind, but I’d like to know your symbolism… what you are referring to with these words. (If you don’t mind) 🙂

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    1. By the end I just meant that I might take words that someone else says and let them rub me the wrong way, even though it wasn’t that other persons intention, because it is part of the path that I am on – I let innocent things remind me of the true nature of the world, as not being a source of lasting happiness. And at our core we may be perfect already, we may be pools of water reflecting the light of God, but I let the words of others bang on the perfection because I’m not in tune with that perfection yet, I am more in tune with the pain that the words cause unintentionally. So really it is about awareness. Knowing that it wasn’t the other persons intent, but reminding myself that pain comes from our relation to the world. People can be happy in the same situation that others are sad, and it is all in the mental state – not just in likes and dislikes, but also in lack of expectation, and understanding that expectation leads to sadness and anger when expectations are not met. – acknowledging that God gives us the perfect circumstances to grow, and we can either wither, or we can become more expansive and understanding, though like you said, becoming expansive doesn’t have to mean taking on everyone else’s shit, but can mean acceptance – acceptance though, is different from apathy – sometimes it is our time to help, and sometimes we have to understand that everything doesn’t have to change, that our own way isn’t necessarily the right way.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmm… understood. Thank you for explaining. That was not how I interpreted it initially, so I’m glad I asked. I liken your thoughts on internal perfection and our worldly associations to the challenge of realizing our own divinity… and how that effort, while extremely rewarding spiritually, is constantly stifled by all the “stuff” around us. I definitely resonate with the concept of “water reflecting Light”… (water is my elemental sign 🙂 ), but also… if not properly managed, water’s fluid nature can cause one to “accept and adapt” to that which should instead be overcome and drowned out (by its ultimate goal/purpose of reflecting God). Yes… I’ve got a grasp on your context. Love it, and agree completely. Sometimes, I have to talk it out! Lol Ah – and expectations – well, that’s another double-edged sword… the dysfunctional marriage of hopeful excitement and abysmal disappointment. I try to balance maintaining hopefulness without allowing myself to “expect” per se… that way, I’m not too hurt if things aren’t as hoped, but I’m pleasantly surprised if they are. And of course, I always strive to make the best of any situation… it is definitely a matter of mentality. I don’t have an issue with accepting what is as what is, and it’s nearly impossible for me to be apathetic ( I ALWAYS feel something…). Nor do I feel my way is the “right way”… for anyone else, heck – sometimes not even for me. I’m more of a live and let live type of person, EXCEPT… for when that involves others constantly imposing their ways on me with complete disregard and disrespect for my life. Since that tends to be how my family associates with me (and each other), I often end up in very difficult positions… particularly because I’m also the one they all rely on for stability at the end of the day. While everything does not have to change, some things must. And I’m working on that now. It isn’t easy and feelings are getting hurt, including my own, but as my son reiterated to me when I dropped him back at college… I have to do a better job of standing my ground or I will continue to be taken advantage of by those I care about. It sucks, for sure, but I “accept” it for what it is… and I refuse to continue to allow others’ miseries to infect my own peace and wellness.

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