Fan Club

My mom sent me a kind email a few posts ago reminding me that if I use words like “everyone” and “we all” then I am bound to trigger peoples shit and make them upset. But, I mean, who listens to their moms on the truly important things? “We all” eventually learn these lessons on our own… oops. Anyways, I seemed to have triggered a few of you with my last post, but onwards and upwards right? Or, at least, onwards and crash-and-burn, as the case may be.

Keeping with the family advice, my Dad told me not to worry about a thing, and my sister told that I should call my next post Fan Club, due to the growing number of people who won’t look me in the eyes on the pathways, since I’ve angered them in someway… angered, mostly through my kitchen duties, enforcing rules that don’t benefit them, the customer, but us, the people trying to serve everyone in a timely manner while wasting the least amount of food – this is an ashram, after all – not wasting and keeping a strict routine are a part of the experience we are offering. But I digress. Getting to the point:

I want to love people. I hold an idea inside of me that people are naturally good and sincere and I want to be a part of that bubbling joy of humanity. But as soon as I start to communicate with others, all of my ideals come crashing down. I fight mostly because I am shocked and amazed by the lack of civility and common courtesy. We are what we meditate on, and so I immediately become the people that annoy me the most by rising to the fight (or sinking to the gutter? – Whatever.)

You’ve probably heard of hearing God in the silence, in the in-between. Well I’m someone who fills the silence up with Her creation. I read a world of possibilities into the silence directed my way. And half the time I’m right. Half the time I’m full of shit. A 50% batting average would make me a Hall of Famer if we were playing baseball. Not so much in the game of life though.

Here’s the thing about edits and the world, I don’t always like to say things in the beautiful way that people care to receive them. Often, I want to express myself in the grimy way that I am feeling it. When the world is caving in around us, it feels like the world must be caving in around “all of us.”

You might have noticed that I recently changed my profile picture for the articles here. I now use more of a grumpier looking photo. I changed it specifically because I worried that people meeting me offline would be expecting a much nicer person, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. Now, with this grumpy looking photo, no one need be shocked by whichever version of me they end up getting.

A friend of mine keeps telling me that I’m not really an asshole. But the thing about having a voice and an opinion is that you will always be an asshole to somebody – now that’s some quotable Seeker’s Dungeon philosophy right there.

So I’ll go on with sharing what I have to share, in the way that I have to share it. This week it seems I don’t really have anything special to say, so I’ll just keep it to a five-hundred-worded disclaimer on how I do business here in the dungeon.  Hope y’all had a good week.  See you next Friday.



About the author

I am a King without a Kingdom, in a world with many masters, wrapped in the spoils of a jealous heart, and my people’s callous laughter.


  1. I used to be nice. I used to be sweet. I remember in my early thirties, my long-time therapist/mentor would do that “finger in the mouth”, gag-me sign when she didn’t buy my “sweetness”. Did a long of work to unlearn that bad habit.

    But now it turns out, I actually AM nice…naturally, but also real, which includes a lot of pretty straight shooting most folks do NOT like.

    I lose whole relationships over that.

    oh well.

    Keep being you! All the way!

  2. You are always going to annoy someone. I like your authentic voice. It’s human to feel. Sometimes we need to rage, and some things absolutely should make us angry if we care anything about our world or the people around us. In the end though I hope that when we want to see change we are willing to follow up our ire with action. The sad truth is, depending on how you view it, that the world isn’t falling apart for a great many people, and they don’t give a crap about those that it is falling apart for. keep on keeping on. 🙂

  3. I just discovered your blog recently and instantly became hooked. You are doing a wonderful job and if some don’t approve of some of your views it’s perfectly fine because no one person can please everyone.

    1. Thank you, I appreciate that. You’re blog looks very interesting as well. I’m travelling right now, so only have my phone, but I’m looking forward to properly investigating it when I get home to my computer… In about a month.

  4. “worried that people meeting me offline would be expecting a much nicer person, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” 😂Amazing.

    1. Yeah, I know… I met a few bloggers in real life. I would be sad if they got introduced to the grumpy me. They would just have to come on the right day of tour or whatever. :0

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