From Darkness to Light Day 10 by Linda Lee Lyberg

The Last Call

by Linda Lee Lyberg of Charmed Chaos

 

Death collects its ransom from the living.

February 18,1994.
3AM. The phone beside my bed is ringing. Nothing good ever comes from a call at 3AM and this one is no different.

Forcing myself from slumber, I answer.
Screaming and yelling on the other end of the line.
“Get over here now! I need to talk with you immediately!”
My trembling voice, “I can’t, not this time. I have to work in the morning.”
“I don’t care I want you to come now.”
Again, I say “I can’t, I told you I have to work in the morning. There’s nothing more to talk about. I have asked you over and over to get help, I can’t do this anymore. Get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow. I will always love you but you have to get help.” These are the last words I ever say to him.

The next morning I go to work. but my mind is elsewhere, on the call from last night. It stays with me all day, but for whatever reason, I do not reach out to him. I justify this by thinking he is sleeping off his hangover or whatever drug he’s taken; I won’t disturb him.

Somehow, I get through the day and leave. As I am driving, I keep replaying the conversation from last night in my head. I analyze it and agonize over his words, looking for signs this was different from all the other countless calls we’ve had in the 7 months since we separated. I find nothing unusual. The same desperate call, on a different day of the week. I love you, come home. I can’t, get help. I will not enable you. After work, I drive to his sister’s house. Both of them are there. We stand in the kitchen and I ask, “Have y’all heard from him? No, we haven’t. “Have your parents heard from him?” No.

We all look at one another and finally I say, “Well someone should go and check on him.” His younger sister and I drive to the house, which is not far away.

I approach the two-story white house with black shutters and try to peer in the window. My sister-in-law follows close behind. We are both anxious, as if sensing the outcome, fearing the discovery. The vertical blinds block any view inside. The house is deathly quiet.

All at once, Neisha the dog, jumps through the blinds, and exposes the ghastly horror inside. One fleeting look and I know he is dead. Five seconds are all it takes; five seconds that feel like they last forever.

He lays there with his arms and legs sprawled out around him in an unnatural pose, his head at an awkward angle. The gun is on the floor, cold metal steel glinting in the deepening shadows.

After this, everything changes. The world comes to a screeching halt, and all I can hear is screaming, mine and my sister- in-laws’. Deep ragged gasps of despair. We run from the horror that is now forever tattooed on our souls and in our minds, and fall into each other’s arms. My spirit leaves my body as I look down on the scene below; it is the only way I can cope.

Trapped together in a nightmare, sobbing, screaming, call 911, call 911! In our hearts, we know it is much, much too late.

People step out of their homes to see what is going on; no one comes near us. We hold each other fiercely; it is the only way we can remain standing. Our grief echoes through the neighborhood like a mournful prayer of anguish. Nails raking across a dry chalkboard, raw, exposed, uncomfortable. Neighbors frozen on their front porches with looks of shock. A still life of agony, as if we are a living version of Edward Munch’s The Scream.

What follows after is surreal and distorted, as if looking through the bottom of a glass. Someone calls the police. They arrive, don’t come near us, walk to the house. The front door, locked tight. A fire truck arrives, with an ambulance following it. Confused, I think, ‘What are they doing here, there’s no fire. My brain is short-circuiting; I cannot connect the paramedics to the fire department. The firemen break down the door, and proceed inside. We still stand together, arms around each other. Our sobbing is quieter now, but still no one approaches.

His parents arrive. They see the firemen, police, and us. They rush past us with hardly a look, running into the house.
Heartbreaking. Devastating. A waste.

Here’s the thing: Once we separated, there were plenty of nights he called in the middle of the night after a gig (he was a lead singer/lead guitarist). Begging me to come over; I would go and make breakfast for him. When we were together, it was our family tradition. After we arrived home from the club, we made breakfast at 2,3,4 in the morning. There was a time when there was so much love; so much laughter, so much hopeful joy but then something changed.

I don’t know why I didn’t go to him that night, but I do know God had a hand in it.

That night as I lay safe in my bed a few short miles from him, God dropped a blanket over my eyes and heart. I could not feel or see his desperation the way I did at other times. Once, I was on a business trip 1500 miles away from home. I awoke in the middle of the night and knew something was wrong with him. I was right. This time, it felt like another normal middle of the night call, but I stood fast even as he threatened to come to my house.

After the memorial service, everyone gathered at his parent’s home. The one and only thing I remember is this: I overheard his father, speaking to someone. He said, if Linda had gone there that night, my son would still be alive.

Twenty- five years later, I am still not so sure about that.
I will never know what may have happened had I gone. Would he still be alive? Or would we both be dead?

But this much I do know; my life was forever altered and rearranged. There was a foreboding black darkness for so long. It was many months later when I realized he was forever gone, and I at last saw the beautiful light that still shined: Me.

I would like to share with you something I wrote in 2017 when I started my blog. It best defines the person I have become after all those years of heartache.

Writing in Prisms

Sun dogs and moon bows Crystal Prisms and rainbows Relieved of any constrictions Lay their colors upon my soul While I, within creative throes Of writing with utter conviction.

They fill my mind with colors That bounce around my head
As I write to feed a hopeful heart With love and endless wonder Washed in fractal prisms, I see God is love is God is prose is art.

They paint a landscape I behold My pen on paper, composing Seizing these miraculous moments Grasping elusive prisms of light Before, as storm clouds lurk

To deliver the night’s lament.

I put down my pen once again Satisfied with what I write Capturing poetic prism words While thoughts in tinted light Shimmering within my head Soar as free as vibrant birds.

 

©2017 Linda Lee Lyberg

 

Linda Lee Lyberg, a native Houstonian, destined by fate and the stars to be a writer. Her grandparents, father, and uncles all performed in Vaudeville. Her grandmother was a blues singer and her grandfather a contortionist. She discovered her passion for writing early on. Her dad once said to her, “Of course you’re an artist. You come from a family of artists. I’m an artist, your grandmother was an artist, and so was your grandfather.”

Linda is a wife, mother, writer, poet, and author. She resides in Mesa, AZ with her husband of 22 years and her dog, Ricky Bobby who loves to go fast.

Linda writes various forms of poetry, as well as short stories. She is also the author of a blog Charmed Chaos, where she has amassed a following of writers, kindred poets, and those who share a passion for words. You can find her at: Charmed Chaos or her Author Page on Amazon.

or on Twitter and Instagram

 

Written for the From Darkness to Light event.  If you’d like to be a part of the challenge, find more information Here.   But first, leave a comment and let Linda know what you think about her words, and be sure to visit her over at Charmed Chaos when you’re done.

18 thoughts on “From Darkness to Light Day 10 by Linda Lee Lyberg

  1. Oh my goodness! This is such a heartfelt and powerful story! I am currently at a loss of words to express myself.. there are waves of multiple emotions crashing over me. You are a sweet, strong and incredible person, Linda and I am soo honored to be your friend! ❤️❤️

  2. I’ve read this piece several times, as I awaited the day that it would be published. Each time equally moved. Life and death is such a heartbreaking dichotomy. We can’t have life without death. And the deaths that we witness before our own, go on to shape and mold, to inspire and depress our own lives. Thank you for adding this story to the series. This is one of those stories that we all have but feel so hard to share. Of course yours is uniquely tragic and has molded you into the powerful person that is able to share and spread your own light in the service of helping others.

    1. Thank you kindly. I think when we are faced with something like this, we have two choices. We can let it consume the remainder of our life and let the darkness win, or we can choose to live with all our being and embrace the light. I chose the latter.

  3. Reblogged this on Charmed Chaos and commented:
    Good Morning everyone- My story was posted on the From Darkness to Light event at The Seeker’s Dungeon so wanted to share with you here. Have a wonderful weekend- Linda

  4. I find myself at a loss for words. Your post is so powerful and you shared your experience so well. I also appreciate your answer to Sreejit’s comment. Thank you for sharing this horrific experience and showing that we can move beyond the really dark times in our lives.,

    1. Thank you so much. I am one of the fortunate ones; others who went through the experience were not. I am truly blessed to be able to share. Throughout my life, I’ve encountered many people who lost someone to suicide and I have done my best to help them cope. It has left me with a firm belief that there is indeed a reason for everything that happens to us.

  5. Reblogged this on Living, Learning and Letting Go and commented:

    I was very moved by this post by Linda Lee Lyberg. It was part of The Seekers Dungeon’s From Darkness to Light guest post event. Consider reading this post and the other posts in the series. In fact, consider writing for the event yourself!

  6. This is written so powerfully, i could see and feel it all. I am glad you had the strength and resilience to choose the light. When someone is so ill and distressed, there is not much one can say except “get help.” It amazes me what people live through, and rise from. Thank you for sharing this story.

  7. Dear Charmed,

    Wish I could gently place my hand on your shoulder (if culturally appropriate) as I say this.

    For me it was my mother. Reading your poignant story reminds me of that black, dark time. The police found her, gun still in hand. And they unceremoniously returned her completely uncleaned car to me, a teenager, now legally responsible for all the younger siblings.

    Though, at the time, I could not imagine ever seeing light again, you are so right. The choice presents itself over and over. And choosing light, as you have, is no easy task. It DOES take all of your being!

    I am so blessed that I did not have to “find” her.

    And I know even though throughout childhood, I often burdened myself with the job, I was never going to be able to save her.

    Neither could you have….

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